our book club reads happy books!

Old White Woman Problems

on October 30, 2012

This past week was book club and the book was “White Girl Problems” by Babe Walker. Instead of talking about how much I disliked this book, here is my tribute:

White Girl Problem #19 

 When you say, “Get a job, ” I hear, “I hate you.”

Old White Woman Problem #19

When I said I retired, I meant, “I got two different jobs and please let me sew feather boas to my grandson’s Halloween costume so he looks even more adorable.” Relaxing is for really old people!

White Girl Problem #13

It’s 5:15. How much weight can I lose by 8:00?

Old White Woman Problem #13

It’s October. How many pair of Spanx should I buy to fit into the dress for my daughter’s wedding in April?

White Girl Problem #9

I hate my horse.

Old White Women Problem #9

I love my dog, even when he bugs me. I’m taking a lock of his hair to the carpet store to match my new rugs to his fur. XOXO

White Girl Problem #5

My vagina is bullshit.

Old White Woman Problem #5

My whole body is bullshit!

White Girl Problem #3

Who am I, and when did I gain a pound?

Old White Woman Problem #3

Who is that old woman in the mirror, and when did that happen to her face?

White Girl Problem #1

All I want for my birthday is for you to know what I want for my birthday without me having to tell you.

Old White Woman Problem #1

All I want for my birthday is for you to know what I want for my birthday without me having to tell you.


6 responses to “Old White Woman Problems

  1. Beth says:

    Funnier than the book!

  2. Janet says:

    Oh that is hysterical!!!

  3. Stacy says:

    You are brilliant!!!!!!! I was with the girls when I read this and we all had a GREAT giggle! I would love to respond with a brilliant white girl / old white woman analogy – but truly cannot think of anything HALF as good as what you wrote!

  4. Glad you guys enjoyed my little homage! Thanks to “Sandy” for giving me some free time to actually sit down and write it – I started writing it in my head on the way home from book club. Thanks again to Noreen for a fun night and delicious goodies!

  5. Trish says:

    #9!!!! LOL! (Seriously, are you doing this? Because the brown rugs worked out great with Milton.)

    White girl problem: “OMG I can’t decide where to spend $4.50 on a cup of coffee. The chai tea lattes at Panera are sooooooo good, but I’m kind of craving a caramel macchiato from sbux.”

    Middle aged white girl problem: “I’ve lost track of how many horrible cups of coffee I’ve had out of the newsroom coffee maker. Maybe this is why my hands are shaking?”

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